1. Thou shalt NOT wear one’s own merchandise in a bid to encourage others to buy
Who else is going to wear it – if not me, me, me – www.tostadora.co.uk/zizzibonah
2 – Thou shalt NOT produce the “SAME” story as everyone else
Why break a winning formula?
3. Thou shalt NOT use photoshoped banners of celebrities to rise one’s profile
I don’t know what you mean?!
4. Thou shalt NOT use un-authoritative quotes to promote the quality of your published book
What’s the saying? – “Mum knows best”
5. Thou shalt NOT show one’s own teeth when another author takes a bigger bite out of your popularity
Oh dear – tendencies as dark as bitter chocolate – pic mirror.co.uk
6. Thou shalt NOT misuse the 3 Rs – reading, riting, rithmetic
1 out of 3 Rs isn’t bad – verse from book #GirlRogues: Braggadocio
7. Thou shalt NOT talk about oneself in the third person
What can I say? – It reads better…
8. Thou shalt NOT use long book titles – less is more
Ten syllables including hashtag – if you say it quicker, it sounds shorter
9. Thou shalt NOT design one’s own book cover – and moreover – not include picture of oneself on the front!!
Oh dear – ego-go – strikes rather than strokes
10. Thou shalt NOT under value one’s writing by giving it away for free
If you really like it you can have the rights
It could make a million for you overnight
If you must return it, you can send it here
But I need a break and I want to be a paperback writer
(The Beatles, Paperback Writer)
Which of these “10 commandments of an authorpreneur” have you found yourself making and then breaking?
More often than not the advice to budding writers is to write what they know. But there are exceptions to this rule – and none more than when writing phantasy.
Engage from the get go of your story
POINT 1 – kick start your story with something phantastical – don’t wait until the end of first chapter to engage the reader
Be consistent with the rules you choose to write
POINT 2 – the writer makes the rules, but take care not to break the rules you put in place. If you have created a structure by which your characters live by, such as they can’t pronounce the letter R because it was stolen, don’t then change this rule half-way through the story by having them speak perfect English.
WANTED: A cwiminal stole a piece of the alphabet: that which follows Q but pwecedes S.
The suspect was seen escaping on wollah-skates passed the “Wagon ‘n Hose” as fah as one day gone by.
A witness who wishes to wemain nameless said the culpwit was: “Not wed, but wudely wouge, with wosey cheeks and winkled ankle boots.” Adding: “She was equipped with a wolling-pin and skillfully disagweeable.”
The imminent wace is on to find the stolen alphabet epistle in the hope of stopping the wobba wunning a mock of the witten language.
If you have any news of the wogue in question, please contact the authowities on: twiple-thwee-twiple-eight.
Please note it is an offence to supply a false statement.
Penalty: a wun wound the woundabouts with Wobbie Willis.
3 – Remember characters should reveal themselves like people do
POINT 3 – what motivates baddies to be the way they are? Not all have complex issues, maybe it’s just because they can. Nevertheless, there is a reason. Your characters should reveal themselves like people do through APPEARANCE, VOICE, MANNERISMS, ATTITUDES and in doing so, allowing us to see them for who they really are…
Why do you think the “Alphabet Thief” stole the letter R in the verse above?